Oasis within

One story that I read was memorably different and had vaguely uncomfortable undertones which sowed seeds of doubt about some of my evangelical assumptions. 'Green Leaf in Drought' told of a missionary couple who had been caught up in the rapid upheavals of the Maoist revolution. There was no martyrdom climax to this story, and the couple presumably returned finally to ordinary life in a church not yet ready for their discoveries. They had discovered that they could keep their faith despite being absolutely alone. Church services were the centre of Christian experience at the time and the coming wave of charismatic renewal was to place corporate experience even more at centre stage. But this couple survived unsupported. Marooned in a region ruled by hostile but not violent authorities, they could neither send nor receive mail, local people were forbidden to talk to them and they were not allowed to travel. Although not imprisoned, they were like lepers set apart in the midst of a hostile population. The experience was designed to humiliate and break them, but they found resources within themselves that both proved the reality of their link with God and preached a strong message to the villagers who watched them from a distance. This couple's discovery of an inner strength was not unique. Thousands of people are discovering today that this inner source of life is normal in those who know the Son of God.

Christian teaching and practice have always had both corporate and mystical streams, but the corporate emphasis has usually been the dominant theme. Reliance on outside sources of inspiration, whether 'Mother Church'; or 'Body Ministry' has been over-emphasised, and it is time to learn again where the true life dwells. Jesus said that those who believe in him would find rivers of life flowing from inside them; tradition persuades us that our faith will fade like a coal fallen from the fire if we dare to miss out on regular meetings. But if corporate life is to have value it must feed on the outflow of personally experienced grace. The domain of God's Spirit is inside us.

Personally, I have been out of fellowship in the traditional sense for about 12 years and the experience has had surprising results. I had been taught to be dependent on the church and had reason to fear the weakening of faith as a result of my separation. My joy has been to discover that the life within is real and lasting, and that it becomes stronger when it stands without crutches to lean on. My faith is sustained by streams of living water that refuse to dry even in the heat of trials. Cocooned in corporate life I was often shielded from those life trials which prove and refine faith, and I was poorer for being over protected. Fellowship is richer now I know that I don't need it for survival. The life is inside and can be shared.

The experience of isolation has become common in the backwash of the charismatic renewal. Many people became disillusioned with teachings that promised total support but delivered rules. Church movements which seemed full of love, joy, worship and hope have left many people feeling as if they have been washed up on the beach, deserted, dry and exhausted. Having experienced what, for a time, seemed like the best of corporate experience there seems nowhere else to go - but there is. Now is the time to allow God to show what we really have. We can expose our doubts and find the firm bedrock of our personal belief. We can find out what John meant when he said that we don't need men to teach us and what Jesus meant when he said that the Spirit would lead us into all truth. In this seeming desert of separation we can find an oasis within.

I am not suggesting that fellowship is dispensable. No doubt that missionary couple would have welcomed someone to talk to. But fellowship is not indispensable, especially when 'fellowship' means organised meetings. The key life issues are that we know God, and that we know ourselves. The Spirit of God lives inside us and the proof of faith is the inner witness that stays with us in meetings or at work, in company or when we are alone. That inner life is able to withstand every trial. When faith has been tested and proved and we are no longer afraid of our doubts, how much franker and more sincere we can be in our relationships with others.

©Derrick Phillips
1990