Self assessment (the
con trick)
Self assessment… It sounds like a personal evaluation system for
health concerned fitness freaks. But it's not. It's a system for
making me do for nothing what the government used to pay salaried
staff to do. I approve of government economies, but not when I end
up paying more in lost time than I save in tax. It's a confidence
trick.
The Inland Revenue is making an outstanding effort to portray itself
as my friend. They've re-written their leaflets in the words and
grammar of the Plain English Society, which borders on the language
of normal people. They've even been allowed to advertise on television,
though I can't see how they satisfy the criteria of responsible
media. Every other advertisement I see is trying to persuade me
to express my preference. I can buy a funky record, take this exciting
holiday, visit this gigantic furniture superstore or commit spare
cash to an outstanding investment. It's my choice. If I had a choice
I wouldn't be spending my money on the Revenue's portfolio. Perhaps
it's a forerunner to new types of institutional advertising… "Change
your life. Get away from it all at Parkhurst - secluded timeshare
on the lovely Isle of Wight!"
Hector, the Tax Inspector is a charming little fellow. He wears
a bowler hat, round spectacles, a brush moustache, and an innocent
grin. The bulge at the top of his pinstripes is too nice to be dubbed
a beer-belly. It's called portliness. And how his antics enhance
the appeal of the adverts he stars in. He makes mistakes. He gets
into scrapes. He even drops his trousers, just like your favourite
circus clown. Come off it; he's trying to take your money. Don't
be fooled into liking the fraudster!
The forms for Self Assessment cap the Revenue fraud with the ultimate
in soothing deception. They are designed. Borrowing the impressionists'
sense of colour the folksy typeface is framed within dazzling magenta,
dignified navy and sparkling emerald, shading to gentle half tones.
Straight-sided, but orderly, the layout owes nothing to cubism.
This is efficiency made homely, leading the reader from point to
relevant point right through to the damning coup-de-grace… "If
you give false information or conceal any part of your income or
chargeable gains, you may be liable to financial penalties and/or
you may be prosecuted."
©Derrick
Phillips
November 1999
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