1066 and all that

King Harold was woken up before sun up, he couldn't see who had woken him and he couldn't understand what she was saying. After gripping his awaker by the throat and telling her to calm down he got the gist.
This was his most trusted spy, Rosalind. Not easily shaken, due to her 15 stone, but quickly stirred when it came to action.
An invader, Harald the Viking had knocked out King Harold's loyal men at Fulford up north and his men were heading towards Stamford Bridge.
King Harold relaxed, Harald may have won one battle but he would have lost men and wouldn't want another fight so soon afterwards. Rosalind heard the look on her King's face then hit him with the second whammy.
She had also learned that William of Normandy was en route to Hastings with an invasion force of 7000 men (plus six expert needle women and a geeky list maker) Harold was horrified, he might beat Harald but he'd then be in the same situation as Harald after Fulford, also he didn't fight women, needles or no needles. What to do?
He lay back but, after receiving two vicious pokes in the ribs from his partner, took Rosalind to the comfort of the royal kitchens and the warmth of the Haga.
Rosalind had a plan; this is what you could do she said. Harold leaned closer, ears cupped…
Harald the Viking finding nobody at Stamford Bridge pressed on to London where he learned that King Harold had legged it south. Eventually the invader Harald met up with the invader William near Hastings and after the usual pleasantries and moans about invasion costs they got stuck in and fought each other to a standstill.
King Harold meanwhile, out of sight on a nearby hill, judged the moment to perfection. Riding in with his Saxons he cleared the board of both Viking and Norman invaders.
Thus the English were spared the cost of printing a Doomsday book and paying non-taxable foreign Kings and Queens large sums of money to rule them with an iron rod. The country would become the most civilised and enlightened place in Europe and the 28th of September would be celebrated thereafter as: -

"Harold's Off Day"

These thoughts ran through King Harold's mind as he bounced along on his steed Hercules. Why had he rejected Rosalind's scheme? Then he suddenly got this unbelievable pain in his right eye!
Rosalind looking on from a safe distance sighed 'told you' she muttered then added in exasperation 'men'…